I learned something about myself years ago, but only said it out loud to my BFF very recently. I LOVE doing nothing. I can sit and stare into the ether, or at a tree, or at the mountains for hours. Also I can stare at TV. I adore doing nothing. I loathe feeling the need to be productive, even though I have to do something to makes money. So I force myself to write to add income to our coffer. But Kimm does far more work than I do. And it has nothing to do with a sense of entitlement or wanting a free ride.
I am not proud of this trait. I think I should be more motivated. Kimm said she has a balance within her that allows her to both work and do nothing. I wish I had that too. But I am not balanced in that way. It is a big part of my shadow self, and something I war with each day. It wasn’t always this way. When I was an actress, I was very disciplined, I practiced dance and singing, and when I would get a job, I worked very hard to do the best I could. But as I have aged, that motivation has ebbed.
Sometimes I think all of me is just drying up, including my desire to be productive. Sometimes I think that is part of the aging process. But if that is true, why do some 80 year olds start lifting weights, go back to school, or free-fall from a plane? It’s more than just having a bucket list.
I believe that the New Agers love to teach us that our main job in life is to find our unique purpose and work towards that goal. That’s a lot of pressure and responsibility, and I for one, say “NOOOOOOO!!!” I have had many unique purposes in my 70 years on this globe, and enough is enough. Sure I want to finish my book, perform Madam Blavatsky, and shed a few pounds, but I want my purpose to be just being.
I am fortunate enough to live in a very beautiful area of a very beautiful state, and I love nothing better than to take a can of beer outside and revel in the joy of the horses, the view of the mountains, and smog-free air. Unless it’s too windy or too hot, there is nothing better in my mind. I can sit for hours like that and be perfectly content. Doing something does not tug at me. I don’t feel the world pressing in on me. And this is NOT just taking time to smell the roses! This is time being smelling the roses. If I take time out for anything it is to be productive. And that is but a fraction of my day.
So my New Age advice to anyone who wants to listen is to embrace doing nothing. Learn how to just be. Allow Nature to be your inspiration. Allow yourself long respites. Oh, find your unique purpose if you must, but when you must be doing, be in the moment knowing that nothing awaits you with its warmth and peace.