There is no such thing as a Functional Family and if you think you know one, look harder at them. We all have disfunction in our lives. Sometimes it can be something very damaging to the psyche and the soul, and we carry it like a 2-ton backpack for as long as we live. Well, it is time. Time to take off the backpack, look inside, and throw away what no longer serves you.
Our pasts exist in our psyches for a reason and only you can know what that reason is. It is always something very deep, and often very painful, but only you can dislodge the past and free yourself from its grip. It is not just “living in the past” that I am talking about, for people who do that are those who cannot cope with the reality of Now. These people have scrapbooks full of photographs of happier times, younger victories and accomplishments. This is not what I am addressing here.
I am speaking to those of you who use your unhappy past as an excuse for not fully living. I am speaking to you who make decisions based on past pain, who avoids relationships because you were hurt or betrayed, who cannot move forward because of anger born from the past that has not yet been dealt with, who lives a sad and pain-filled life.
Coming to terms with your past and letting it go – not forgetting it but releasing its hold on you – does not happen overnight. It takes a lot of work, soul-searching, honest analysis, and often professional intervention. You must remove yourself from the overwhelming emotions attached to past events only once you have allowed yourself to feel them, write about them, talk about them – and then let them go also. It is time to stop acting on them. It is important to understand all of your past’s dynamics before you say goodbye to the prison it can create.
Confrontation is often necessary. If you had an abusive parent for instance, you may need to confront that person and tell them how you feel. That doesn’t mean that you will always be able to patch things up. You might have to release that person from your life or, at the least, redefine the nature of your relationship.
But the major part of the process requires that you go within, be with the pain, and take that injured child by the hand, leading it to a safe harbor. The real work will be all yours and it won’t be fun and games. But if you really want to move forward, feel alive in the present, these things you must do. However, the desire to do them must be more than your fear of the unknown. And it is okay to feel fear, in fact it is really a part of the process. The joy comes in moving through the fear and coming out the other side.
All this takes time and having patience is an imperative. Be patient with yourself and the feelings that may come up as you release more and more. Treat yourself kindly and lovingly – and gently! You can’t rush this if you really want to be free. Let those closest to you know what you are in the midst of so they can be supportive.
The iWonder Sisters’ new free e-book, which will be available very shortly, HOW TO GET FROM NOWHERE TO SOMEWHERE IN 30 DAYS, could be a very useful tool for you as you let go of the past. It provides some organization and practicality to the coming-to-terms-with-the-past process, which can be a very emotional time for you.
Making peace with your past can be one of the most important and freeing things you will ever do for yourself. If you think you are ready – ready for the work, the pain, and the Joy – let us help you walk through it. For you cannot run through this experience and really let the past drop away. Life is a process of small births and small deaths. Something dies every day, only to be born in another form. Embracing these changes is loving yourself. It is finding Peace. Kahlil Gibran said in THE PROPHET, “Pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.” Break the shell.