Kimm and I have each written about our relationship in blog posts and Simple Contentments, and talked about it on our podcasts and on video. This relationship that we never take for granted but do have an unspoken reliance on, is, for both of us, something quite extraordinary. But we both feel that this kind of “soul-sisterhood” need not be uncommon if we remain open and receptive. We believe that women especially, have the capacity to bond deeply with each other and that this bonding is more fulfilling than almost any other relationship, except perhaps, that of mother and child.
Kimm and I found each other at a very stress-filled time for each of us. We both may have been looking for some kind of respite, but neither of us was searching for a soul-sister. In fact, we were both rather relationship worn and so quite wary of people. Distrusting, guarded. However we each had something the other needed and through just sitting and talking, more intimately each time, our connection grew. We found we had many things in common even though our cultural backgrounds were very different, and that in some ways we were walking parallel on our own paths. It was a time of great discovery – both discovery of each other and self-discovery – and that sense of discovery has continued on, here in New Mexico.
One of the things that most characterizes our sisterhood is laughter. While we would consider ourselves serious people, we don’t take ourselves too seriously and spend most of our time together laughing, looking at Life on an angle, seeing the funny side of every situation and our knee-jerk reactions to it. We have often thought that our life together would be great reality TV, except that we don’t fight when we disagree, and couldn’t possibly be mean to each other. But we are hilarious.
We think of our little family – Kimm, me and our animal children, Chloe, GG, and Dharma – as a unit, with all the dynamics of the “conventional” family. Kimm and I each have our own special relationships with “the kids”, and as a family, we all have our functions within the unit. They are unspoken styles of loving, and each style is a great gift. Unique in the way that it is both given and received.
Not to get too scientific here, but studies have shown that the hormone oxytocin is released when people hug, touch, have sex, give birth, and nurse. It is sometimes called the “bonding hormone”, and has been said to increase trust,openness, and feelings of warmth towards others. When women bond, oxytocin is one of the chemicals released into the system, and it helps foster greater connection between them. If these studies are to be believed, Kimm and I have released a shitload of oxytocin into our systems and our casita.
I have never trusted anyone as much as I trust Kimm – except perhaps my sister – and this feeling of trust is so freeing, so full of love and gratitude. I feel endlessly blessed. But this relationship was no accident. I believe that Kimm and I were carried to each other in the Universe’s natural flow of intention. And I believe that each of us let go of a lot of fear to allow ourselves to connect the way we have. I have come to feel that there is nothing as rad and beautiful as one woman’s relationship to another.
Having this kind of trust, love, and connection, is a sigh of relief. In many ways, human beings are really alone in their own skins. But the kind of sisterhood that Kimm and I have means that someone is always within earshot, able to be there when needed. It also means that love flows like water and for that I am eternally grateful.