Kids usually find it easy to make friends when they desire to do so. Actually, they tend not to have to think about it. They allow connection to flow naturally, because they are intrinsically open. As we become adults, we get so weighed down with layers of protection, judgement, pretentiousness (fear of our authentic selves), and agenda. All of these masks make it far more difficult for that natural connection to occur. Many times, as adults, we are lonely. Our natural longing is to connect with one another, to share ourselves, our lives, our fears, and desires. When we become so guarded, it’s harder to be that naturally open little girl, simply allowing life and connections to flow. It takes courage to shed the layers of ourselves, so that others can truly see who we are. We are fearful that they may see that we are everything; brave, talented, afraid, strong, weak, creative, stuck, aware, ignorant. It is our “being in touch” with all that we are, that makes us approachable as friends.
I was inspired to write this post after having a magical night of watching the holiday movie, Love Actually, with sister friends last night. We were happy to have a new friend among us, who felt comfortable enough to be herself, comfortable enough to share the fact that she needed and desired the connection of “girlfriends” in her life. I was happy to know that she had found a safe place, whether she truly knows that yet, or not. I believe that she will know it for sure, very soon. Children trust themselves enough to take chances, to explore new friendships without being attached to the outcome or placing judgement on the experience. They hop in the sandbox and join whoever is there, trusting in the natural bonding that occurs, or not. We grown-ups need to jump in the sandbox more often, and trust Life to have us meet and connect intimately with those who are needed in our lives at the time. We need to be brave enough to trust Life to give us that which we truly desire; spiritual connection, kinship. Friendships help us to know that we are not alone in our dysfunctions, that we share many of the same weaknesses and confusion. But magically, they also lift us to new heights of understanding, of ourselves, and our personal situations. We need to share to know that we are not alone in how we feel or react to life. It is in this sharing that we continue to expand and become the space that ultimately encompasses you and me, as one. Friendship is that space that is large enough to hold all of us, that space large enough to let us be who we are in any given moment. Friendship is that space so huge, and expansive, it holds within it, the courage we need to be ok, with seeing ourselves in, and through each other’s eyes.
Friendship is Love, actually.